


Coming Home

by baking_bisexual_bitch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, how do I title, like basically only angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 17:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5751871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baking_bisexual_bitch/pseuds/baking_bisexual_bitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no huge revelation. Just a quiet dawning. Oikawa was in love with his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> I totally forgot I wrote this and then found it in an old folder and decided to finish it. Eh, not my best quality of work, I wrote this in a few days and didn't edit well, but I'm actually kinda proud of how much angst I was able to fit into so few words.

 

Oikawa can pinpoint the exact moment that he fell in love with his best friend. It wasn’t because of some grand gesture. It didn’t hit him like a freight train. There was no fanfare, no chorus of angles.

They were at a party. Oikawa had had his fun early in the evening, laughing and flirting with girls. Now he sat dejectedly on a coach next to a couple making out.

“Hey, you okay? Do you wanna leave?” He looked up into Iwaizumi’s concerned eyes.

 _Oh_.

No, there was no huge revelation. Just a quiet dawning. Oikawa was in love with his best friend.

“Oikawa?” 

“Yeah, fine. Let’s get out of here, I’m tired.” Oikawa stood and stretched. He left his plastic red cup on the coffee table and followed the other boy out of the house.

“Do you wanna sleep over at my place?” Iwaizumi asked when they were in the cool night air.

“Of course,” Oikawa smiled, his hand twitched at his side, he almost reached out to Iwa-chan. He almost spoke his mind. He halted in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Oikawa? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine.” He almost spoke his mind. Almost said _I think I’m in love with you Iwa-chan,_ but he didn’t. It was the first real lie he’d told Iwaizumi, but it wouldn’t be the last.

* * *

 

“Oi, Shittykawa, what’s got you so distracted today?”

 _I dreamt about you last night_. “Oh, just stressed about finals, not that I have anything to worry about, after all I am a rare specimen blessed with both brains and good looks~”

 

* * *

 

“Oikawa, why don’t you ever go out with the girls who confess to you?”                      

 _I’m gay._ “Well, I wouldn’t want to make the rest of them jealous by just picking one. There just isn’t enough of me to go around!”

 

* * *

 

“Oikawa, you don’t seem well, do you want to sit on the bench for a bit?”

 _Yes, yes please, I can’t stand to be so close to you when I can’t be with you._ “No, I’m alright, just a bit tired.”

 

* * *

 

“Oikawa are you okay?”                      

 _No, you’re tearing me apart._ “Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

* * *

 

“Tooru, what’s wrong?”

 _I’m in love with you_. “Nothing.”

 

* * *

 Oikawa lied and lied. Up until the day he didn’t.

It was late in the evening; the last glimmer of sunlight was slowing fading beyond the horizon. They were in Iwaizumi’s room, Oikawa stretched out on the floor, and Iwaizumi sitting amid a mess of schoolwork, still keeping up the appearance that they were here to study.

“C’mon you should at least _try_ to study. Why do you keep spacing out?”

No response.

“Hey Oikawa, what’s wrong?”

“I love you.”

Iwaizumi was taken aback. “Oh. I—I love you too man—“

“No, I’m in love with you.” There it was, plain and simple. No fanfare, no chorus of angles, just the bare naked truth.

“Oikawa, I don’t…I don’t know what to say.”

Oikawa gave a smile devoid of any happiness. He had prepared himself for an answer like this for years, and he still wasn’t ready. “Then don’t say anything. I think I’m going to go home now.”

“Oikawa wait, it’s dark and cold out, you’ll get sick—“

“I’ll be fine.” What was one more lie? He stood up and turned to leave.

“Oikawa we can talk about this!” Iwaizumi sounded desperate now.

“Bye Iwa-chan.”

“Tooru please!”

Oikawa turned to look back at Iwaizumi. He was holding onto Oikawa’s wrist, trying to prevent him from leaving.

“See you in school Iwa-chan.” Oikawa pulled free from the other’s grasp. His voice seemed to echo in the room. Oikawa stepped over the futon that had been step up for him to sleep on.

Iwaizumi didn’t move until he heard Oikawa’s footsteps recede down the hallway, down the stairs, and finally out of the house, the front door slammed behind him. He took in a huge shuddering breath, he had no idea what to do. Oikawa was in love with him. What the hell did he do with that information? Iwaizumi was straight. Or at least he assumed he was straight, he’d never really thought about it. He knew he liked girls, so he’d never bothered to think about boys in that way. He’d certainly never thought about Oikawa that way.

“Haijime, what happened? I heard the front door slam,” his mother asked from where she stood in his bedroom doorway. “And where is Oikawa, I thought he was spending the night?”

“He was…um, something came up though and he had to go home.”

“Oh, I hope everything is okay. Haijime is something wrong, you look as if you’re about to cry.”

He sucked in a breath, was he really so easy to read? “I’m fine. I think I’m going to go to bed early though.” He couldn’t be bothered to stand and walk to his bed, instead he rolled onto the futon meant for Oikawa.

“Okay sweetheart,” his mother walked over and kissed his forehead. She clicked off the light, and he was left to look at her silhouette illuminated by the yellow light from the hallway. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“Yeah,” he turned on his side so he could no longer see her. “Thanks mom. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” She shut his door, and the room was dark, and silent. Iwaizumi was alone. Truly alone, for the first time since he’d met Oikawa, he felt truly alone.

* * *

 

“Oikawa, can you come over today, I want to talk.” Iwaizumi lay in his bed in his back, his phone pressed close to his ear. 

“No, sorry, bye Iwa—“

“Wait, please? I just want to talk.”

“I don’t really feel like talking right now,” said Oikawa in a flat voice.

“Listen I know you don’t have anything to do today it’s Sunday, no practice.”

Oikawa huffed, Iwa-chan was right, but he was too belligerent to admit it. “I could be doing something today, you don’t know.”

Iwaizumi scoffed, “listen Oikawa, you can’t just drop a bomb like that on me and leave. We need to talk. You owe me that. We owe each other that.”

Oikawa chewed nervously on his bottom lip. He knew Iwaizumi was right, they needed to talk at some point, he’d just hoped to delay it for as long as possible. “Okay, I’ll come over.”

“Thanks. See you soon,” Iwaizumi said.

The world felt so surreal to him. He’d never felt so far away from Oikawa, but also so close. Oikawa’s voice was like an electric shock over the phone. He was hyper-aware of his friend; in a way he had never been before. He’d never felt nervous before Oikawa came over to his house before, but now he did. He felt like he should clean his room, prepare for Oikawa’s arrival.

He got up and halfheartedly kicked the clothes on his floor into a pile. He straightened the papers and random objects littering his desk. Then he just stood in his room. _What should he do now?_ What did he normally do while waiting for Oikawa to arrive? He had no recollection.

After far too little time passed he heard the front door open, and the muffled voices of his mother and Oikawa. He knew that his house was in walking distance from Oikawa’s, but it still felt too soon. Iwaizumi didn’t know where he should stand, so he stayed in the center of the room, staring at the door like an idiot, his anxiety mounting as he heard Oikawa’s footsteps ascending the stairs.

“Hi Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said from the doorway.

“Hi, um, come in,” Iwaizumi said, _this is so fucking weird_. He couldn’t remember how he normally greeted Oikawa, how he normally acted around Oikawa. He figured he should at least stop standing in the middle of his room like an idiot, so he sat down in his desk chair. Oikawa made his way across the room and gingerly sat on the edge of the bed. Iwaizumi didn’t know where to look, so he ended up staring at the wall just behind Oikawa’s head.

“You wanted to talk?” Oikawa said, breaking through the oppressive silence.

“Yeah, um, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said…” Iwaizumi said, and it was the truth, but for all his thinking, he still had no idea what to say now that he was facing Oikawa in person.

“And…” Oikawa prompted.

“I’m confused about you and me, and my sexuality, and basically everything,” he said and gestured between himself and Oikawa.

Oikawa waited with baited breath. Oikawa was looking at him with such open eyes, full of anticipation, and hope, and fear. So much fear, Iwaizumi couldn’t handle it. Iwaizumi wished he could call this whole thing off. Wished he could tell Oikawa to go back home, ignore this, pretend everything was normal, but he knew his friend deserved and answer. Even if it was an answer he wouldn’t like.

“I, Oikawa, I don’t,” he took a deep breath, and then let words rush out of him. “Oikawa, girls make my heart beat a million times a minute. They make me feel hot all over, but cold at the same time. They make butterflies in my stomach, and make my brain stupid. But you Oikawa…you make my heart slow down, like when I look at you I can finally breathe easy. And you don’t make me freeze or burn; you just make me feel warm inside. I don’t need to worry about anything when I’m around you, I can just be myself. I don’t, I don’t know, girls…girls are like going on an adventure, and you…you are like coming home.” He had never been able to articulate his feelings, and he hadn’t planned on saying all that, but as the words left him he knew everything he said was true.

Tears were shining in Oikawa’s eyes, and his voice sounded so small as he asked, “isn’t home enough?”

Iwaizumi tilted his head to the ceiling and exhaled, “I don’t know.” And that was the only answer he had, even if Oikawa deserved more.

Tears started to fall from Oikawa’s eyes, but he remained silent. Iwaizumi felt so helpless. He was the one Oikawa always came crying to, when he was bullied or hurt as a kid, or when the lost a game. But now he was the cause of the tears, and it was killing him.

“Oikawa, please, I’m sorry—“

“I’m just gonna go Iwa-chan.”

“Wait Oikawa, please just,” Iwaizumi didn’t even know what he was asking for at this point, he just wanted Oikawa to be happy, he wanted everything to be normal, he wanted his best friend back. “Oikawa will we stay—I mean, are we still…friends?”

Oikawa stood and looked down at him, “I don’t know.”

Haijime felt tears prick his own eyes now. “Please don’t go—just—we can talk about this, please.”

“Bye. See you in school Iwaizumi,” Oikawa said, and walked out of the room.

 _Iwaizumi_. The name was like a punch in the gut. Iwaizumi collapsed onto his desk and buried his head in his forearms. His body shook with the force of his crying.

He had fucked up, they both had. He had been as genuine and honest as possible, but in the end it made no difference. He did love Oikawa, just not in the way he wanted him too. And now they had lost each other. They both deserved better and they were both left with nothing.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Haha. Sorry. Jk, I was cackling while writing the last few paragraphs of this.


End file.
